I Stand Accused

I stand accused of being an inadequate person. I stand accused of being less than tolerable. I am a bad, bad person. Why? I have been accused of neglecting my ADLs... Activities of Daily Living. My husband is fed up with my frolicking on the keyboard of my computer. The dishwasher wasn't emptied. He cooked, and I didn't clean up the mess. I left a load of laundry in the dryer. I come home from work and am on the computer all night. I don't do anything to pull my weight. He refuses to speak to me when he sees I am on the computer. His eyes shoot daggers and turn blood red at the thought of me on my computer. Sigh.

Let's look at this dilema for a bit. I get up in the morning, shower, brush my teeth, put on deodorant, get dressed for work, drink some hot tea, eat breakfast (sometimes), and go to work. I work and come home. Normally if he isn't home when I get home, I feed the cats. Then if the coast is still clear I will get on the computer for a bit. Now dinnertime approaches. This is a problem. If he is home, he wants to eat according to his "special diet" which is very inconsistant with my idea of real food (no meat, no fat, no sugar, no dairy, whole grains only, lots of Indian spices, lots of very hot spices). If he cooks though, I eat without complaint. If I cook, he usually doesn't eat. Frequently we out to eat so that we are both happy. He travels a lot so when he is not home I eat what I want. I do laundry. I change the cat boxes. I will run the dishwasher when it gets full. I clean toilets. I clean the sinks, tubs, and shower walls. I even clean evil grout on the bathroom floor. I wipe the counters. I clean the stove top. I change the bed linens (well right now they do need to be changed... I am a bit deliquent there) I really do a lot of things in addition to this. I am not a super housekeeper. I freely admit this. I will leave clean dishes in the dishwasher and not empty it right away when it is done cleaning. I tend to have clutter, and I evidently do not do things in a timely manner according to Himself.

Right now, I have my bedroom closet torn apart because I am reorganizing it. I do a little bit each day towards getting it to the point where I want it. I am throwing a lot of things away, which is hard for me since I tend to get attached to things. Throwing clothes away is hard for me as well. I like to keep several sizes on hand because of weight changes. Then there are winter and summer clothes to separate and deal with. Not finishing this immediatley is not really an ADL to me... it's more like an AML...Activity of Monthly Living.

When he got mad at me for not cleaning up the kitchen after he cooked, I had this thought... What about all of the years when the kids were all still at home and I cooked AND cleaned up? Usually the kids would help, but I can remember many times when himself would not even clear his place at the table. I really could go on and on this way, but who wants to hear about that!

SOOO... I decided that since he has been so accomodating as to point out to me when I neglect my ADLs, that perhaps I should return the favor. For instance the night after the initial lecture, when the dishwasher was open with a few dirty dishes in it, Himself left his dirty plate, glass and knife on the counter right above the open dishwasher. For some reason he did not appreciate my helpfullness in pointing out his neglected ADLs.

Himself is not exactly a neat person. He thinks he is Mr. Clean, but this is definitley not the case. He can have his fishing gear and lures on the kitchen table, golf clubs in the livingroom, boxes lined up down the hall, his tools all over the place in the laundry room, newspapers he has read all over the table or on the floor, and embalming and funeral supplies (which he sells) stacked in the living room by the front door. There was a time when he kept an embalming machine (used!) in the diningroom. His office is such a mess I can't even get in there to use the fax machine... and he has now moved to my desk in the family room. I put up with all of this and do not complain (to him) unless company is coming.

I do enjoy my computer... especially when I am home alone so much. I watch some TV... mostly news, but I do have a few programs that I like to try to watch: 24, Lost, Alias, and I will watch some shows on the SciFi channel, History channel, PBS, or Discovery channel. Himself does not like me watching TV if there is anything to be done. There are some exceptions to that. For instance, if there is a golf tournament, basketball game, football game of interest, or just about anything on the channel that has non-stop fishing programs, the world stops and all else is inconsequential. If he walks in the door and I am watching TV or on the computer, then it is a given for him that that is all I have been doing or ever do.

I guess the main problem is that I have a different point of view regarding ADLs. According to my perception, I have no problem with what I consider my ADLs. The problem seems to be with my AWLs and my AMLs and my AYLs... those things that I do weekly, monthly, or yearly. And I am quite willing to share the housekeeping responsibilities with Himself since we both work. I am not perfect, but I am really a good person. I am creative and a good listender. I don't easily lose my temper. I am patient and kind to stray animals and children. I do the best I can most of the time.

I have come to this conclusion: My hot fudge sundaes are nuts optional, but evidently my family is not!

So here is my query... what do you think? Do you share household responsibilities? Are you a neat freak, a relaxed housekeeper, or a slob?